Honest Life

An Honest Move

I’ve been pretty quiet on here lately. It’s been a mixture of being insanely busy (as you’ll see) and trying to find the right words to say. I started off 2020 with my word of the year, ‘secure’, and I’ve been letting it guide me on this crazy set of circumstances that have all aligned in the past month.

It really started over the summer though. My husband and I were just getting settled into the second floor of this three level condominium we had moved into in the spring. The inside was beautiful, but we missed our backyard we had at the rental house and we really missed not having people walk over our head all day. We had just gotten back from a visit to Spokane for a friend’s wedding and we had toured my brother and sister in-law’s new home and my friends were talking about buying soon as well or having just bought a place. We were starting to think of our future in Portland. What did home buying look like for us here?

We have been here seven years and six of those years were great. I’ve talked before on here about how hard it was at first and how difficult it was career wise for the first year we were here. But we really hit our stride in the last 4-5 years here. We love the food and the beer. We love our friends. We have great careers. The problem was two things: our time off was minimal and we missed our family and friends in Spokane.

We only get to come here once a year because of PTO issues and this place is a huge source of calm and relaxation for my body and soul.

Regarding our first problem, we had 2 weeks per year to fit in all our vacation. About 5 days to visit Spokane (2 in winter, 3 in summer), 3 days to visit California to see my family, and then we were left with TWO PTO DAYS to give to our passion of traveling. Which was really what we wanted to do. And who can really take in a new country or place in 5 days? It just wasn’t feasible. We were stuck with having to fit a trip into a long weekend, or cut down our PTO days to our family, but that wasn’t something we wanted to compromise on. Which was the second problem: we missed our friends and family. My Aunt has a great lake cabin in northern Idaho we like to visit. I only saw my friends once a year over Thanksgiving. My in-laws are the greatest people on the planet and we just saw them for a day in the summer and a few days over the holidays. It just wasn’t enough.

So we started talking in our little condo about how nice it’d be to have a house and some space. We could finally get a puppy, watch TV as loudly as we wanted, cook without bumping into each other. They seemed like little things, but what an improvement to our mental and physical health to be in a bigger space. A space that was just ours. A space we could NOT afford in Portland. The housing market here is just too expensive and we’d have to pay a lot more to get what we wanted when we could pay a fraction of that in Spokane.

So it was decided. We would move. A year from now. Ideally June 2021. Plenty of time to save up, get used to the idea, say our goodbyes, etc. We opened up to recruiters on Linkedin so we could start to look at what kind of jobs we might be able to get in Spokane when we were ready.

But this is life we’re talking about and things never go the way you plan. I got a hit right away from a recruiter and with some stealthy research found out the company that was wanting to hire. As a side note – if you can bypass a recruiter, do it. Recruiters are nice, but they take a portion of your salary as a hiring fee if you get the job. Not worth it. I applied directly and got a call back. I figured this would be a good chance to see what the job market had to offer and start to get an idea of what type of company I’d want to work for. So I did a few interviews. Felt really positive about it. They flew me out to Spokane for an interview and offered me a job on the spot. Not what I expected. I also didn’t expect to like it as much as I did. Three weeks later and our thoughts about moving a year and a half from now were becoming more like a few weeks from now.

It was very overwhelming. I kept trying to weigh the pros and cons. We left Spokane in 2013 because the job market was terrible, we needed experience and honestly we were pretty bored there. In the last five years though Spokane has really grown. There’s great new restaurants, brewerys, a renovated downtown. I mean it’s still Spokane, let’s be clear. But I was starting to see the positives more and more. So we talked it over and with the increase in pay from this new job, the 3 weeks PTO, the paid for benefits and the free relocation – it was a no brainier. With a lower cost of living in Spokane, it just all started to make sense.

Sun’s out, Apex out. Will miss my favorite beer/burrito combo place!!!

So we’re moving back to Spokane. A place that when I left I never thought I’d come back to. We’re really looking forward to it though. We will miss Portland so much. We both made our careers here, ate amazing food, drank decadent wine and beer, spent a great deal of time on beautiful hikes and exploring the coast and most importantly we made some of the best friends here. It’s hard to leave, but it the best choice for us at the moment.

Which goes back to my word of the year. Secure. With the better pay and lower cost of living, my security goals for the year are in full focus. Even outside of money, I think about the security of owning a home and feeling comfortable in it. Of being close to family and friends who can take you in if you need it. There is a lot that is secure about Spokane to me. It may not be a flashy or fun. It may not be as warm in the winter (it may also be too hot in the summer…). It may not have a brewery on every corner, a new place to eat every week or a new adventure to go out on, but it has a lot of other qualities that I am looking forward to experiencing again. But most importantly it is right for us.

It also goes back to my constant striving for a simple, honest life. This decision feels good for me. It feels like a good way to simplify my life and my time. It’s honest to say I want to move back. We made the decision by taking an honest look at how we wanted to live our lives and what was important to us.

Now all that’s left to do is move. AND YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MOVING.

Honest Life

Word of the Year: Secure

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I used to be a big resolutions person. I would make this big list in December and have all these great goals for the year. Unlike a lot of people I would actually accomplish them all too. But I moved away from that this last year. Even though it was great from a productivity standpoint it wasn’t good from a mental health standpoint. I’m the kind of person that puts a lot of pressure on myself and when I say I’m going to do something, I do it. Even at the cost of my wants, needs and usually my sleep and sanity. For me, resolutions were starting to breed unhappiness in my life.

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This time last year I started this website and I was using it to force myself into monthly challenges with weekly updates. It was fun and I really enjoyed it at first. Then it started to become burdensome. I was not adjusting my challenges to fit realistically within the balance of my life. I was overworked and overwhelmed and then I realized that the only person putting pressure on me to do these extra things I had no time for, was me. I was the problem. That’s always a fun realization…

So I have had to learn to let go. I threw my resolutions out the window in July for the first time ever and I started to teach myself to be in the moment and realize it was okay to (in my idea of the word) fail. What I didn’t realize at the time was I wasn’t failing at anything. I was allowing myself to be free. To take each day as it came. I was allowing myself to set goals, but being more realistic about the outcomes and time limits and realizing the goals can shift and change constantly based on what’s going on in my life. AND THAT IS OKAY.

This was a huge eye opener for me. Around this time I started following a lot of great blogs and writers who were throwing the idea of resolutions out the window as well. Why toss on added pressure in your life? It’s great to set goals and to have plans! It’s still one of my favorite things. But those plans and goals should be flexible and able to be adjusted. One of the blogs I was reading was talking about creating a Word of the Year for yourself. Instead of a giant list of things you want to get done and forcing yourself to do them and hit target dates you go through your year with a word in mind. A word that will guide you.

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If this is still confusing here is a great website devoted to creating a word of the year. Fair warning, the site is little religiously devotional so just side step that stuff like I did if it’s not your thing.

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With a word of the year, goals can still be set, lists made, but with a word of the year they turn more into guidelines. The idea is to guide yourself throughout the year based on this one word. So if you have a goal to get healthier and be more fit this year, rather than setting a weight goal or a calorie limit (because we all know how well THAT always works out) you could have your word of the year be ‘intention’, and you can go through the year doing everything in your life with more intention and you can focus that word on what you are taking into your body. Not only are you leaving more wiggle room for yourself for when life gets in the way (and it will), but you’re going about your day with the word in mind. This word not only helps with a health goal, but can be focused on a work or family goal too. Go about your day with more intention in your mind. Don’t just do things to do them, feel the intention behind those actions, words or even food choices.

I like the word of the year because it’s more of a mind set rather than a specific thing you need to do. It should be a word that sets the tone for every day for you this next year.

My word for 2020 is SECURE. I’ve been getting obsessed with my finances lately, which has included factoring my net worth, paying down debt, saving up an emergency fund, and investing for the first time outside of my 401k. This year was all about gathering information about all of those things. I’d like to use this word to guide me in taking action every day in what I do. I chose ‘Secure’ over ‘Save’ or ‘Money’ because it’s the one word I felt really spoke to me about the importance of having a financial backup plan.

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I learned how to spend at a young age playing this game.

This doesn’t mean I’m not going to spend money! I’ve got trips planned and fun things to do that involve money this upcoming year. Key word being ‘planned’. But what my word odes mean is I’m not going to jump into any money spending without thinking about it first. My word will help me ask questions with every action I make: Did I plan for this purchase? Is it an emergency purchase? Does this help me towards my monthly saving goals? Is this necessary?

And then bringing it back around to my word: Will spending this money I didn’t plan help me feel more secure?

See how a word can guide your decision making?

I turned 30 this year and I have stared to think more and more about the future, while also trying to live in the present. I don’t want to go crazy and leave myself with $100 every paycheck and squirrel away the rest. I want to still go have a good time, see the world, see my friends, see Taylor Swift in concert again (July!), but I also want to be feel secure in knowing I planned for those things. They weren’t last minute shopping sprees placed on a credit card (I can thank Barbie for teaching me that was normal and okay).

At the moment I am only four paychecks away from having no money. If I don’t get paid for three cycles I will have nothing. Okay, I’m being dramatic. I have a husband who could pay the bills until I get another paycheck. If we both lose our jobs we could dip into 401k and withdrawal for hardship (I NEVER RECOMMEND THIS, but still it’s an emergency option), and we have great family members who could help lend us money if it really did come down to it. But I don’t want to have to do ANY of those things. I want to feel secure with my finances and my life so that if an emergency pops up I can take care of myself and feel secure in my life. After all, Millions of Americans are just one paycheck away from ‘financial disaster’.

So to avoid all that, I have some financial goals this year, but my overall goal is to feel more secure in my wealth and savings by the end of next year. I think the best thing people can do is be more transparent with their finances. We’ve been taught that discussing salary and wealth is taboo, but it doesn’t have to be. It’s also more helpful for everyone to use REAL NUMBERS when discussing finances to help others see what it takes to become more financially smart. Here are my goals, and I put these out there KNOWING that they might change or need to be adjusted, but keeping these goals in mind with SECURE at the forefront:

  • Save 10K in an emergency fund
  • Max out 401k for the year
    • FYI the max for 2020 is $19,500 and if you’re not AT LEAST maxing our your employer match DO IT NOW. THAT IS FREE MONEY.
  • Open a Roth IRA and max it out for the year
    • I STILL HAVEN’T OPENED THIS YET AND IT MAKES ME FEEL SO BEHIND – FYI the max is for 2020 is $6,000
  • Pay off car
    • I owe $11,781.44 on my car and plan to pay it off by June – a year and a half early

My last bit of advice for a word of the year is to force yourself to see it every day. I’ve got the word pinned on my desk, face wash drawer, computer at home and even on my bedside table. It helps me visualize it every day and keep it at the forefront in everything I do this year.

What’s your word? And if you want to go this route and are still having trouble choosing a word, one of my favorite bloggers, Jessica Rose Williams just posted about her word and gave some great tips on how to choose yours including:

  • What do I want more of in my life?
  • What do I want less of in my life?
  • Imagine yourself a year from now and allow yourself to dream. What’s changed? How do you feel?
  • What’s the name of your ship that’s about to set sail to that island where you want to be?

Let me know your word!

Book Reviews

Top 5 Fiction and Non-Fiction Reads of 2019

Happy holidays to you all. Last year I did a post on my top five fiction and non-fiction reads of 2018 and I wanted to continue the tradition. I love my goodreads account because it helps me track what I’ve read for the year and also for my entire life, which is kind of fun. I like a lot of different books. I’m big on romance novels, non-fiction, biographies, contemporary adult fiction, etc. I mean I will literally read anything as seen below. Here are my top five favorite books I read this year split into fiction and non-fiction. Let me know your favorites!

Top Five Fiction Books

Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman

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This book was a trip. It made me feel all the feels. The novel gained attention when Reese Witherspoon announced it was going to be her book club pick a few years back, so you’ve probably heard of it. Eleanor is a quiet, quirky office worker who is content to stay that way forever. She’s got a long list of weird habits and offbeat social skills that have kept her from having emotional relationships with just about everyone. Once a week she is allowed a phone call with her mother, which gives off a creepy vibe right away, and on top of that she has that mild alcoholism thing going on, so there is obviously more to the story than Eleanor lets on. Boy is there ever. I loved this book. It made me cry.

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Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng

Celeste Ng is quickly becoming a favorite author for me. Her previous novel, Little Fires Everywhere was amazing and this book was no exception. The story follows a mixed race family in an all white area in the 1970s as they all grieve in their separate ways bout the death of their perfect daughter and sister. All of Ng’s books are super character driven and this one is no exception to that rule.

Kingdom of Ash (Throne of Glass #7) by Sarah J. Maas

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Speaking of character drive books…earlier in the year I finally finished Sarah J. Maas’ Throne of Glass series. What I loved so much about this entire series is that it starts off super basic. A girl enters a king’s tournament of assassins to become the king’s assassin and is torn between the love of the prince and his guard. Like, we have heard this one before. By the second book though all tropes are thrown out the god damn window as Maas delights us with plot twists and turns you couldn’t even predict. New characters are introduced constantly throughout the series and somehow readers care so deeply about them all. This series literally has it all. And it goes so far beyond romance and into a high fantasy, EXTREMELY character driven epic series that honestly blew me away. It had such a great final book and I just cannot recommend this series enough. Manon Blackbeak is my hero.

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Daisy Jones and The Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid

A LOT of people were talking about this book this year. Mostly for how unconventional it was. The story follows Daisy Jones and The Six, a fictional band in the 70s (think Stevie Nicks and The Heartbreakers). We follow Daisy’s journey from no one to fame, from solo career to The Six, all through a series of interviews pieced together by the interviewer. And wait until you find out who the interviewer is. It is super unique and a really fun read.

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On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong

This has my vote for book of the year. Ocean Vuong is a fairly well known poet and this is his first novel. The entire thing reads like poetry. It is heartbreaking and beautiful and really pulls you in. The novel follows a young Vietnamese immigrant throughout his childhood and adulthood. Told through the boys’ letters to his mother later in life, the novel follows his mother and grandmother’s lives as they deal with the aftermath of the Vietnam War, the cultural shifts in America and the narrator’s sexuality. My heart. It hurts.

Top Five Non-Fiction Books

Essentialism by Greg McKeown

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McKeown’s book had a profound effect on the way I do my job since reading it. Trying to wade through the madness of a to do list and multiple priorities, McKeown asks you to find the priority. Singular. There should only be one after all, it was never a word that was meant to be used to describe more than one thing. Essentialism also asks you to say ‘no’ more, to value your time and better decide how and where to spend your energy. Something I’ve been trying to do for ages. This book has really helped me and I read it twice this year!

Educated by Tara Westover

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I did a full review of this already, but this was such a good read. There have been some disputes from Tara Westover’s family that have come out since the book released, but I believe Tara’s story over theirs. Even if it turns out some facts aren’t 100% true the overarching story definitely is and it is one of the power of education and living your own life, even if it means separating from your family and leaving everything you’ve ever known behind.

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White Rage by Carol Anderson

This is a fascinating read about how historically white people in power and the voting public have roadblocked black Americans at every twist and turn since slavery was abolished. This book is a short, but powerful narrative on our society and understanding the pervasiveness of racism and inequality, and the state of current American politics.

Your Money or Your Life by Vicki Robinson and Joe Dominguez

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This was another one I did a full review on. This book changed my life about how I perceive my time and money. It’s been around for a long time and the basic concept is to treat each decision with money as if you are paying for it with your life force, which essentially you are. Paying for a night out drinking? That’ll be five hours of your life force on Monday, please. The book also helps calculate your true hourly wage (after the cost to get to work, time traveling to work, lunch bought, etc.), which has really been eye opening for me.

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Maid by Stephanie Land

The things people say, do or leave out for their maid to find are truly staggering. This book is a memoir of sorts from Stephanie Land, a woman who raised a daughter alone, battled with government assistance and tried to make a better life for herself and her daughter while cleaning houses. Barrack Obama chose this as his summer reading pick this year and it is well worth the read.

A Simple, Honest Life · Simple Life

Deleting Facebook & Messenger

As part of this ‘Simple, Honest Life’ kick I’ve been on for the last few months, I finally took a leap to remove something from my life that I’ve been wanting to get rid of for a long time: Facebook.

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There were a few reasons for wanting to do this.

First, I just don’t use it that much anymore. I’m mostly on Instagram for my digital social life. I’ve been trying to free up more of my time to live in the real world and Facebook was a platform I wasn’t using that much, but one that felt easy to get sucked into mindlessly using. It just started to make sense for me that the next step would be to remove the account all together.

Facebook wasn’t doing anything good for my mental health either. In fact, it doesn’t do a lot for most people’s mental health. Here is a great bit from the opening of the research article I just linked: “Facebook, which remains by far the largest social media company, has 2.3 billion monthly active users worldwide. As of 2016, the average user was spending 50 minutes per day on Facebook and its sister platforms Instagram and Messenger. There may be no technology since television that has so dramatically reshaped the way people get information and spend their time.” That’s not to say it’s BAD time spent. I’m sure that varies by individual. But I think it’s a good idea to evaluate if the time you spend on Facebook is valuable to you and if it puts you in a good state of mind.

For me, it was adding up precious time in my day by checking and responding to it. A good 20 minutes total. On top of all this I didn’t like the way I was watching people use it. Facebook is full of ads, scams and false information via news and sharing. It felt like an easy way to disengage from all the noise and dare I say it: Fake news. I also didn’t like the way it forced surface level friendships on me and what always felt like false connections with my extended family and internet friends.

The Mental Process of Removing Facebook Forever

The first thing I did to make sure I really wanted to do this was to delete the app from my phone. I did this for three months and only used Facebook on my desktop computer. When I did log in, I found I did not miss it. So the answer to if I’d miss Facebook was a simple no, and the next step was to just delete it.

Well, I soon realized it wasn’t going to be that simple. I had 13 years of crap on this thing and a lot that crap was actually important to me and didn’t live anywhere else but on Facebook.

This important info was mostly photos upon photos that I had uploaded that existed on Facebook and no where else. Some of these were dumb photos, but I wanted them anyway. This used to be an ordeal to obtain. I was thinking of deleting Facebook about five years ago and there was no way at the time to obtain all your photos at once. You had to automatically go in and save them one at a time. This was a problem for someone like me that had over 3,000 + photos.

But all that has changed. Facebook BY LAW has to give you access to all your data now, which includes being able to download all your photos at once into a nifty zip folder. Facebook has messed up so many times in their history with people’s data, there is now a great feature that allows you to download all your data at one go. Directions below:

All my information from 13 years of Facebook in one zip drive

This entire process took about 15 minutes. They emailed me when my data was ready to be downloaded and two minutes later I had a zip drive of what I thought would just be my photos.

Hello 1984

But there was SO MUCH MORE. So much more. Facebook gave me EVERYTHING. Everything I didn’t even know they had. You don’t just get photos. You get every post you’ve ever made, everything you’ve liked, all of the ad interests Facebook has tracked on you and all the ads you’ve clicked on. You even get a list of every friend you’ve ever had on Facebook along with their phone number and email if they provided one at sign up. Even if you aren’t friends anymore. Creepy.

The next thing I had to do was remove myself from my groups and my messenger. This was more difficult. I have a good group of friends from all over the world that uses groups as a way to keep connected. I had to reach out to them to see if there was a way we could communicate differently.

Then I had to see what chats I had in messenger. Which ones were just passing chats and which ones were long threads. For our podcast for Cinemabysmal we use a Facebook messenger chat. I just had to convince the guys to switch to a group chat. Which worked out great because it actually convinced one of them that Facebook was a heap of garbage and they’re now deleting theirs at the beginning of the year. As a side note: you can keep messenger without having Facebook. But for me it was about getting rid of all the extra noise and methods of communication. Just having one message app really appealed to me so I wanted to keep that goal in mind.

Finally I had to go through my friends list and delete the people I didn’t want to keep in touch with through social media anymore. This part was harder. I have a lot of acquaintances on there , but I really took the time and went through and thought about which relationships I valued the most. I went from 475 friends down to 116 friends. That visual alone told me how little Facebook was doing for me and my relationships with the people I cared about.

Then about a week ago I made a post letting the people left on there know I was going to delete my Facebook in a week and if they wanted to keep in touch I gave my phone number, email, website and Instagram. I wouldn’t have given out my phone number before to all 475 people but everyone that was left I found I didn’t mind if they had it. I knew them, they knew me. The great feeling came when I realized that most of them already had my phone number. All that was left was people that I cared for, knew and loved.

And then I deleted it. And I have zero regrets. And I’ll leave you with the instructions on how to deleted your own Facebook because it’s kind of hard and they make it a little tricky.

For those of you that aren’t sure about deleting Facebook, at least get a copy of your data so you can start to remove some of things Facebook has that you aren’t happy about them having. Also, if you keep a copy of your data after you delete Facebook you can restore your profile by signing up again and re uploading the data pack Facebook gives you. So even if you just want to get away for a year and see how you feel, this is a great option.

Step by Step (oh baby)

Another strange find: In settings if you go to ‘Manage Account’, you can request to have your Facebook page deleted when you die. This can avoid having your page become a strange memorial after you pass full of people from high school you haven’t talked to in years claiming they were your best friend:

Now that my Facebook is deleted I have a 30 day grace period to log back in and restore my page. It is slightly annoying to me that this is an option, but I don’t plan on using it and now the deed is done and I can enjoy my official Facebook free life in 2020.

A Simple, Honest Life · Honest Life

If You Don’t Prioritize Your Life, Someone Else Will

Oh Hey, It’s Me
Northern California Coast Line

I remember May. I remember Memorial Day Weekend. I remember the redwoods and the northern California coastal air, how it smells like it’s always going to rain and how the fog blankets the coast every morning. I remember camping early in June and hiking up the butte that tried to kill me, but instead gave me an epiphany about turning this site into a reflection of honesty and simplicity. I remember feeling like summer was just about to start.

And now it’s September.

I had a really great summer planned with restful self care weekends in between some of the bigger ticket items such as visiting my parents, going to Spokane, three camping trips, a walking relay event and one of my best friend’s wedding. But even the best laid plans…

Slowly dying inside at our LA office

Work got in the way if I’m being honest. Not just some hard weeks at work, but work travel on top of that, which is never as fun as it sounds. I was down in LA seven times this summer for work and even pulled a 15 hour turn around trip followed by three more days in a row. One good thing is I got really good at packing a suitcase and bringing only what I knew I’d need and wear. But putting in all that work travel against my carefully laid out summer plans meant I was busy. So busy I have barely had time for myself.

That’s not to say I didn’t have a good time this summer, but since my May revelation I’ve been wanting to focus more on my needs and my time. When I can manage those things first, I become a better person at home and with my friends and family. I can allow myself to be in the moment when I’m with other people and give them my full attention and focus because I’ve taken care of myself first. Which leads to the fact that I have not taken care of myself this summer.

I have felt completely out of control. Like things were happening TO me, and I was just a bystander going through the motions because I felt like I had to. I felt had no control to stop these things from happening and I just had to follow through and do them. I’d like to preach about how we all have control in our lives and I could have canceled things or told my work no, but that is always so much harder than it sounds. I think most people don’t feel in control of their lives. We have bills to pay and people to please and plans to show up for.

The best plan I showed up for: Claire’s wedding with my BFFs

So I’ve been having these thoughts in the background about putting myself first and being in my control of my time and my life and meanwhile I’ve just been going, going, going. And when I’m finally able to stop, I end up sleeping because I’m so exhausted. Going to bed at 7 or 8 and when I can sleep in I’m sleeping until my alarm goes off at 9 am. I have to set an alarm because I will sleep even longer than that if I can. So what is that telling me when I’m so tired my body wants to sleep more than 12 hours? It tells me I’m doing too much.

Luckily work is slowing down a bit. There shouldn’t be any more crazy travel for awhile. That helps. And I’ve tried to be more honest with my personal plans. I’ve been trying to say no more. And instead of saying ‘I can’t’ I’ve been trying to say ‘I don’t want to’. Not to hurt people’s feelings, but to put my time in more perspective with myself. It’s not that I don’t want to hang out this week, it’s that I don’t want to make that a priority this week. I know that I won’t be my best if I schedule something this week, I need more time to put myself first and then when I do make plans with someone – when I am truly up for it – I will be more present than I would have been if I had forced it into my schedule. Into my time. Remember, time is our most precious resource. It is literally all we have.

It is okay to say no. I know that it doesn’t always feel that way and there are truly things that we can’t say no to. Work being the most obvious one. If we want to keep our jobs, keep the people in charge happy enough to keep us around, we more often than not feel forced to say yes. I think a lot of people feel this way and I want to share some pieces of a great book I finally got around to reading this summer called Essentialism by Greg McKeown. There are some great tid bits in there about saying no in a work environment and how nos can sometimes be really well received.

Here’s one of my favorite tips:

For example, if your manager comes to you and asks you to do X, you can respond with “Yes, I’m happy to make this the priority. Which of these other projects should I deprioritize to pay attention to this new project?” Or simply say, “I would want to do a great job, and given my other commitments I wouldn’t be able to do a job I was proud of if I took this on.”

Excerpt from Essentialism by Greg Mckeown

Saying no isn’t easy for fun, but you can definitely take a moment to feel awkward about saying no and live with that moment of awkwardness for a short time or you can say yes and live with a day, a week or even a month of regret for saying yes.

“Only once you give yourself permission to stop trying to do it all, to stop saying yes to everyone, can you make your highest contribution towards the things that really matter.”

Honey Badger Champs

What do I feel deeply inspired by?” and “What am I particularly talented at?” and “What can I do that meets a significant need in the world? I don’t know yet.

I have to keep working because I have bills to pay and honestly I like the people I work with. We are dodge ball champs after all – another thing I signed up for this summer thinking I’d have more time in my life. Is my work my passion though? No. I’m not there yet. And in the meantime I don’t need to be killing myself and sleeping in 15 hours increments when I can to make up for working so hard. Now that things are a bit calmer at work I’m hoping I can re-prioritize my time and my hobbies and really start to think about what I want to do with my life and how I want to make a difference in the world with the time that I have.

Mary Oliver wrote: “Tell me, what is it you plan to do / with your one wild and precious life?” I’m still figuring it out, but while I’m working through it I’m trying to make sure I’m giving myself the time and space to do so.