Honest Life

How the Turntables…

Hard to believe it’s almost May. A month since I last checked in and I was filled with anxiety for the future, but feeling optimistic overall. We took the first steps to get preapproved for a home loan, retained an amazing realtor and started looking at houses. I was going into the office on Mondays just to try to get back to feeling of normalcy and seeing a few faces at a socially safe distance. The rest of the time I was working from home, which wasn’t bad. I was getting into a routine and with the promise of a house on the horizon things were looking like they were going to be okay.

Well how the turntables...have turned. | Office quotes, Office ...
Everything right now

Then I got furloughed from my job just last Friday. I didn’t know what this meant until it was explained to me but basically I am still an employee ( I have possession of my laptop and cellphone still), but they aren’t paying me anymore until at least June 10th. This is a sneaky way for a company to get out of having to pay you when things are slow, and instead making the government do it for them via unemployment. A lot of people are experiencing this right now. I’m lucky that I have an intended return to work date, but I am honestly not holding my breath. I’ll find out in six weeks if I’m still employed and in the meantime I’m trying to navigate Oregon and Washington unemployment to get paid. No surprises that unemployment is generally hard to navigate, but during a pandemic with millions of people applying every week it’s kind of a mess. Add in verifying wages between two states and you’ve got yourself a wait time. At this rate I’ll probably get paid for unemployment when (if) I get rehired. In June. What a mess.

Jobless Memes
The bright side

I am trying to look at this as an opportunity though. The housing search has unfortunately had to stop, but now there’s an opportunity to put more money away for a down payment. In the meantime I get to spend more time with my in-laws, who truly are lovely people. Also there is a cute dog involved. I am spending more time on Duolingo learning Spanish. Just a side thing that I never really could find time for, but now I am just full of endless time. I’m scheduling daily time to write and exercise more. There’s plenty of TV and movies to catch up on.

The bummer is a lot of things are still closed. I’d love to look at this situation as a six week vacation, but when you can’t visit family, friends or spend time in any national parks, it’s really kind of a bummer.

The most important thing I’m trying to do is be okay with not being productive or happy. This entire situation is hard enough without forcing myself to feel a certain way. I think that goes for all of us. I’m sure we are having good quarantine days and bad ones. The most important thing to do is let yourself just feel whatever you’re feeling. I’d love to be productive and positive every day of this hopefully ‘only’ six week period out of work. But I can’t honestly say I will be. There will be bad days. I am sure I can foresee a day coming up where I don’t leave the bed and binge watch After Life season 2 on Netflix (or did I already do that..?). I am sure there will be days when I don’t feel like exercising or reading or writing or learning Spanish. That’s okay.

I’m just going to try to get through this like everyone else – by taking it one day at a time. I mean if celebrities can do it during this time – can’t we ALL? They’re the real heroes.

….

Things could be worse. I don’t NEED my unemployment check to come right this second. I don’t have rent right now. I have money in savings to take care of bills until it comes through. I will be okay. Not everyone can say that right now. Despite everything I am still sticking to my word of the year ‘secure’ and trying to feel that as much as possible. Despite everything we are still secure in this state. We have family to shelter us, loved ones to give us advice and we are eventually employable when all this blows over. I am privileged that this is the case.

That’s all I’ve got. Remember, don’t inject clorox into your veins, the sunlight is not a cure, but if you’re going to go out in it wear sunscreen, and finally just stay safe and listen to the professionals. Now isn’t forever.

Honest Life

Moving During A Pandemic

My word of the year is ‘Secure’. What a year to pick that word to guide my life and decisions. And it’s only March. Something comforting right now is knowing that pretty much the entire world is experiencing the same thing right now. We might all be feeling very different about it, but COVID-19 is happening to all of us. It is effecting our jobs, our routines, our health, our normalcy and yes, our security.

Our original plan was to move back to Spokane, live off my wages from a new job that paid more, have my husband secure a job in 1-2 months and then move out of my in-laws place and into our new home we bought. Oh me from the past, how could you have predicted a sickness that started half way around the world in December would come to effect you directly in so many ways in March?

That new job that paid more and was promised to be super secure in employment? It laid off seven people on Friday due to upcoming revenue loss from COVID-19. While my job seems safe at the moment, if things continue as they have been who’s to say what measure would need to be taken to keep the business afloat. The job my husband was going to get? No one is conducting interviews right now. The house? Probably not a good idea to make one of the biggest investments in your life when your income could disappear any day. And good luck finding a realtor that will show you homes right now. All of this and the worry of being infected and living with three extremely high risk people can become all consuming. This is the least secure I have felt in a long time.

Get outside if you can. It can help immensely.

So much change in just a short amount of time has caused me great concern and anxiety. What semi comforts me is that we are truly all experiencing this together. I am lucky to have a job while I can have one (hopefully for a long time). I am lucky I can work from home and not worry about bringing in a pandemic that I could probably survive, but my family would most likely not. I am lucky I am living with my in-laws. Although not ideal, if I do lose my job I don’t have to worry about being evicted. I am lucky in so many ways that other people are not right now. And honestly, with all these worries, none of them matter if someone gets sick. I am just happy everyone I know and love is healthy at the moment.

The truth is no one knows what is ahead and no one has the answers. We truly have to take this one day at a time and react the best we can to the changes that come at us.

Despite this knowledge, I am filled with dread at times. A dread that feels so similar to what I felt when I first moved to Portland. I’ve talked about that feeling before. That sense of dread and consuming depression. I have almost had it drag me down twice since I’ve been here. I made the choices to come here based on the evidence of security I felt in that decision at the time. Now I am thrown for a loop wondering what in the world I’ve done. However, I do feel more secure to be near more family during this time. It comforts me to know we have people who care for us here that would never let us end up in a bad situation. In a way that confirms some of the security I came back for.

No one knows how long this will last or how it will end. How we will get back to normalcy. If we will. The best we can do is just keeping moving and keeping in touch and checking in with each other.

Google Hangouts keeping me sane.

I’ve found extreme comfort through video apps like Google Hangout and House Party. These have been so good for my mental health. It can be lonely during quarantine seeing the same people day after day. Only leaving the house for walks or grocery shopping necessities. I think it’s important to stay connected to as many people as we can during this.

If you are an anxious person and are feeling all around shit about this experience my advice is to reach out to others, limit your access to the news and focus on what hasn’t changed as everything changes rapidly around us. Another thing is to focus on is what has changed for the better. Whatever you’re feeling it’s okay to feel it. Some of you are happy about a quarantine. You’re able to spend more time with your families, relax at home and keep an income going through this. Other people aren’t so fortunate. There is no wrong way to feel right now. Just feel it.

I wake up and try to think of three things that I am happy about that have changed and three that haven’t. Here were some I wrote down from last week:

Things that haven’t changed:

  1. Recording/editing the podcast
  2. Being able to bake (even though I had to use oat flour thanks to food hoarders – stop hoarding food!)
  3. Checking out digital loans from the library for free so I’m always reading something new

Things that have changed that are positive:

  1. More puppy time
  2. Sleeping in an extra hour on work days
  3. Talking more with friends than I used to

I’ve been limiting my news digestion to 15 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes after dinner. This has been such a huge positive change for me and if you easily get sucked in to the news cycle or it makes you anxious I highly recommend setting boundaries like this.

Overall things aren’t perfect. But is anyone experiencing a perfect time right now? Or ever? we just have to continue to stay connected, not get sucked into anything too negative and feel our feeling as they come. Know they’re okay, validate them and keep going.

Stay healthy everyone.

Honest Life

An Honest Move

I’ve been pretty quiet on here lately. It’s been a mixture of being insanely busy (as you’ll see) and trying to find the right words to say. I started off 2020 with my word of the year, ‘secure’, and I’ve been letting it guide me on this crazy set of circumstances that have all aligned in the past month.

It really started over the summer though. My husband and I were just getting settled into the second floor of this three level condominium we had moved into in the spring. The inside was beautiful, but we missed our backyard we had at the rental house and we really missed not having people walk over our head all day. We had just gotten back from a visit to Spokane for a friend’s wedding and we had toured my brother and sister in-law’s new home and my friends were talking about buying soon as well or having just bought a place. We were starting to think of our future in Portland. What did home buying look like for us here?

We have been here seven years and six of those years were great. I’ve talked before on here about how hard it was at first and how difficult it was career wise for the first year we were here. But we really hit our stride in the last 4-5 years here. We love the food and the beer. We love our friends. We have great careers. The problem was two things: our time off was minimal and we missed our family and friends in Spokane.

We only get to come here once a year because of PTO issues and this place is a huge source of calm and relaxation for my body and soul.

Regarding our first problem, we had 2 weeks per year to fit in all our vacation. About 5 days to visit Spokane (2 in winter, 3 in summer), 3 days to visit California to see my family, and then we were left with TWO PTO DAYS to give to our passion of traveling. Which was really what we wanted to do. And who can really take in a new country or place in 5 days? It just wasn’t feasible. We were stuck with having to fit a trip into a long weekend, or cut down our PTO days to our family, but that wasn’t something we wanted to compromise on. Which was the second problem: we missed our friends and family. My Aunt has a great lake cabin in northern Idaho we like to visit. I only saw my friends once a year over Thanksgiving. My in-laws are the greatest people on the planet and we just saw them for a day in the summer and a few days over the holidays. It just wasn’t enough.

So we started talking in our little condo about how nice it’d be to have a house and some space. We could finally get a puppy, watch TV as loudly as we wanted, cook without bumping into each other. They seemed like little things, but what an improvement to our mental and physical health to be in a bigger space. A space that was just ours. A space we could NOT afford in Portland. The housing market here is just too expensive and we’d have to pay a lot more to get what we wanted when we could pay a fraction of that in Spokane.

So it was decided. We would move. A year from now. Ideally June 2021. Plenty of time to save up, get used to the idea, say our goodbyes, etc. We opened up to recruiters on Linkedin so we could start to look at what kind of jobs we might be able to get in Spokane when we were ready.

But this is life we’re talking about and things never go the way you plan. I got a hit right away from a recruiter and with some stealthy research found out the company that was wanting to hire. As a side note – if you can bypass a recruiter, do it. Recruiters are nice, but they take a portion of your salary as a hiring fee if you get the job. Not worth it. I applied directly and got a call back. I figured this would be a good chance to see what the job market had to offer and start to get an idea of what type of company I’d want to work for. So I did a few interviews. Felt really positive about it. They flew me out to Spokane for an interview and offered me a job on the spot. Not what I expected. I also didn’t expect to like it as much as I did. Three weeks later and our thoughts about moving a year and a half from now were becoming more like a few weeks from now.

It was very overwhelming. I kept trying to weigh the pros and cons. We left Spokane in 2013 because the job market was terrible, we needed experience and honestly we were pretty bored there. In the last five years though Spokane has really grown. There’s great new restaurants, brewerys, a renovated downtown. I mean it’s still Spokane, let’s be clear. But I was starting to see the positives more and more. So we talked it over and with the increase in pay from this new job, the 3 weeks PTO, the paid for benefits and the free relocation – it was a no brainier. With a lower cost of living in Spokane, it just all started to make sense.

Sun’s out, Apex out. Will miss my favorite beer/burrito combo place!!!

So we’re moving back to Spokane. A place that when I left I never thought I’d come back to. We’re really looking forward to it though. We will miss Portland so much. We both made our careers here, ate amazing food, drank decadent wine and beer, spent a great deal of time on beautiful hikes and exploring the coast and most importantly we made some of the best friends here. It’s hard to leave, but it the best choice for us at the moment.

Which goes back to my word of the year. Secure. With the better pay and lower cost of living, my security goals for the year are in full focus. Even outside of money, I think about the security of owning a home and feeling comfortable in it. Of being close to family and friends who can take you in if you need it. There is a lot that is secure about Spokane to me. It may not be a flashy or fun. It may not be as warm in the winter (it may also be too hot in the summer…). It may not have a brewery on every corner, a new place to eat every week or a new adventure to go out on, but it has a lot of other qualities that I am looking forward to experiencing again. But most importantly it is right for us.

It also goes back to my constant striving for a simple, honest life. This decision feels good for me. It feels like a good way to simplify my life and my time. It’s honest to say I want to move back. We made the decision by taking an honest look at how we wanted to live our lives and what was important to us.

Now all that’s left to do is move. AND YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MOVING.

April 2019 - Fruit · April 2019 - Fruit · Fruit

Fruit – Intro

Do you eat a piece of fruit daily? I’m guessing most of you don’t. I know I don’t. I’m good for about two pieces every week. My diet isn’t bad per se. I don’t eat meat, I hardly ever have dessert or sweets, but my fruit intake is abysmal (I also eat a ton of bread, but we aren’t talking about my carb intake this month and you can take away my carbs after I die and not a second sooner). Fruit is a wonderful source of fiber, it’s got all the healthy sugars you crave, and it has very little effect on blood sugar levels when consumed whole. Please rid yourself of the idea that you will get be unhealthy if you eat fruit because it has sugar in it. It’s not like eating a candy bar full of sugar. Far from it.

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Kick to the curb the notion that fiber is gross – you can get fiber from a ton of different foods. Gross fiber comes from eating processed foods that don’t normally have fiber in them, but it’s added in later. Certain types of cereal, ‘nutrition’ bars, liquid fiber drinks, etc.

Most adults don’t get enough fiber and to combat this we’re downing disgusting FiberOne products and hoping a powder that dissolves in water will help with this. The best thing you can do to get more fiber is eat a high fiber diet. So that’s what I’m going to try to do this month and I’m going to do it through fruit. We need 25-30 grams of fiber a day and most of us are only getting around 15. Only 1 in 10 American adults get enough fruit in their daily diet according to the CDC. An adult should consume 1 1/2 to 2 cups of fruit every day. Are you even close to hitting that mark?

Image result for rugrats watermelon seed
Rugrats episode where Chucky eats a Watermelon seed and Angelica tells him it’s going to grow in his stomach and burst out his body because she is such an amazing Slytherin with a Troll level of 10.

I only had a few different fruits rotated to me growing up because I was terribly picky about what I would and wouldn’t eat. I would eat apples (granny smith only, skin off and cut up was the only way I’d eat them – I was gross), bananas, cantaloupe (sliced not diced, must be refrigerated) and orange slices (peel on, no white stuff – fiber – showing) only at soccer games. If my fruit was brought to me any other way I wouldn’t eat it or even recognize it as a fruit. That was the extent of the fruit I’d eat. I had grapes once at a friends house and hated them. My brother ate Kiwi’s and I was disgusted by the brown fur on them. I wouldn’t eat Watermelon because of a Rugrats episode. The seeds in strawberries repulsed me. The giant seed at the center of peaches grossed me out so I wouldn’t eat them. I mean the list just goes on. So here’s my shameful secret: I’m still grossed out by all of this. All that’s really changed is that I’ll eat watermelon, strawberries, raspberries and mango – sometimes. But not often enough.

My goal this month is to learn to love fruit again. All kinds. I want to eat a piece every day, rediscover my old favorites, try some new ones and really gain an appreciation for whole fruit foods. Every week I’ll update you on what I ate that week and what new fruit I tried. I’m also going to be reading two books and watching one documentary and I’ll fill you in on good tidbits from all three. The documentary is called Fruit Hunters and you can watch it for free on YouTube. The two books are Banana by Dan Koeppel a book on the history of our most consumed fruit and The Fruit Hunters by Adam Gollner – the book based on the documentary.

I think you should join me too. It’s good for you. Unless you are following a ketogenic diet (WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF PLEASE STOP, IT IS SO BAD AND YOU ARE STARVING YOUR BRAIN OF CARBS AND ROBBING YOURSELF OF HAPPINESS) or have some sort of intolerance, there really is no reason to limit the amount of fruit you eat.

February 2019 - The News · The News

The News – Week One – No News

When I stopped reading, listening or watching the news at midnight on January 31 here were the headlines in my mind:

  • It’s freezing all over the United States except the west coast because of a polar vortex
  • Russia is using Mueller’s private case files to discredit the Russia Probe
  • Conservatives are mad at the Virginia Governor over a late term abortion bill
  • McConnell is mad about a democratic house bill to make election day a federal holiday
  • Venezuela is in turmoil
  • The EU rejected Theresa May’s plans to change Brexit deal
  • Everybody has measles in Portland/SW Washington
  • The CEO of Starbucks wants to run for president and everyone hates that idea

So after a week of NO NEWS AT ALL, here is what I picked up from people around me in my liberal bubble during the week just by listening to conversations:

  • Liam Neeson said something racist
  • The government of Virginia also did or said some questionably racist things, also something about sexual harassment
  • Women wore white during Trump’s State of the Union, which was filled with bad rhetoric
  • Maroon Five is the worst

If you don’t live in America or only get your news from conservative sources I’m going to guess your headlines looked a lot different. I heard nothing about anything outside of American news and all the news I did pick up included American politicians/celebrities being the absolute worst. I am kind of dying to know what’s happening in Venezuela but I haven’t heard anything.

Damn that’s some shitty reporting from me! Well, except the part about Maroon Five. I didn’t watch a second of the Super Bowl, but I didn’t need a Super Bowl performance by Maroon Five to tell me that they sucked. Everyone loves to hate [insert musician that plays at the Super Bowl]. Doesn’t matter who it is.

I am ITCHING to dig into these four news stories I heard about in passing, but unfortunately it’s week two of my challenge and the only place I can go look up what “really” happened is FOX NEWS. Just to get a taste of what my next post is going to be like let’s do an experiment. I’m going to look up one story on the State of the Union, Liam Neeson and the Virginia government on Fox News and report back right now on what I found.

State of the Union: The night was miserable for congressional democrats. Trump urged for bipartisan cooperation. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez didn’t applaud, Senator Kirsten Gillibrand didn’t even stand up once and Nancy Pelosi clapped weird.

Liam Neeson: Admitted that he once wanted to kill a ‘black bastard’ for revenge. Jesus Christ. Anyway, Fox News is reporting that Michelle Rodriguez said he’s not racist because he stuck his tongue super far down Viola Davis’ throat in the movie Widows. Oooookay. Anyway, Neeson apologized for having those thoughts and Fox News gives us no context as to why he would even bring that shit up, but there you go.

Virginia Government: Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax is involved in a allegation of sexual assault at the 2004 DNC. State Attorney General Mark Herring admitted to donning blackface at a college party in 1980. Fox News is frothing at the mouth at all the bad things these democrats have done and noting any silence about this on the left.

I already have a headache from this and it’s only been one day of Fox News. Next weeks posts should get weird. I almost miss not know what was going on in the news. I’m also going to make a fun game of how many times the Fox News front pages has a story on Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, Nancy Pelosi, Elizabeth Warren or Hilary Clinton. We will see who the winner is at the end of the week!

I also finished a really great book this week called Listen Liberal: or whatever happened to the party of the people by Thomas Frank. Check out the review here.